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3K(p): 'When Evil Cats Attack'

Enjoy this post by our guest blogger, the ‘Queen of Satire’, 3K(p):


When Evil Cats Attack
Her entrance is no secret, as she walks into the room with an unabashed grin that punctuates her jovial attitude. Though she appears to be a very conscientious, considerably sane lady: she is the very definition of cat-phobia. An emblem for those around the world who shudder at the sight of the feline. I beseech all cats to stay outside twenty-five feet of this person, unless they want to be startled out of their fur skins by the many squeals and terrified cries that escape from the mouth of Mrs. Jaya Ramesh.

Many a time have I witnessed this wonder of a woman’s habitual routine when a cat is within human sight. I can tell you, to witness the happenings when she and a furry feline are within eye sight of each other, is one one-of-a-kind experience. Believe me, I know. The following is an example of how a hypothetical event would take place when The Cat meets Mrs. Ramesh.

She would probably be seated, extremely engaged in a story, interestingly animatedly narrating it to her fellow comrades, when out of the blue, a piercing shriek cuts through the air! By the time, everyone around her has recovered from the shock of the sudden loud noise, they discover Mrs. Ramesh standing on a chair and/or table, pointing at some foreign object, declaring in loud incoherent utterances that the ‘evil cat’ has come to gobble her up. Oh what trauma!

This is followed by many shivers and shudders from the lady, and if you happen to be standing next to her during this moment, you can be sure to be used as a human shield against the ‘evil cat’: she will grab you and spin you around until she is positively sure the cat has absconded from her sight. In the midst of all this haa-hoo, spectators finally realize this woman is not clinically insane, she is just afraid of the lounging feline that is seated on the ground ten feet away from her. But of course, the cat is nowhere to be seen at this moment – the earth shattering scream has frightened away the poor thing, tail between its legs!

By the time the feline is removed from the sight of Mrs. Ramesh, she is comparatively calm, now seated on the chair rather than standing on it. Although, you can see it on her face – the utter fear that the Monstrous Cat has struck her with, as she glances around rapidly, frightened for her life that it will return to bring her to her doom.

I know many who have been subjected to being used as a Human Shield against the Evils of a Stationary Cat. It truly reminds one of how the warriors of ancient times used metal shields in front of their faces, to escape the deadly arrows of the enemy: let us assume Mrs. Ramesh is the warrior in this scenario, the Evil Cat being her enemy. The warrior slowly approaches the enemy, Human Shield forever in front just in case the Evil Cat decides to pounce on her in a vengeful rage.

She peeks and ducks behind the said Human Shield, until she finally reaches a point of five feet from the enemy. This is followed by many exclamations of how ‘scary looking’ and ‘terrifyingly spooky’ the Evil Cat looks. And then predictably, the warrior retreats! Mrs. Ramesh flees the scene immediately, completely appalled that the Evil Cat had dared to look so Evil.

Oh what an outrageously unbearable trauma Mrs. Ramesh has to go through when a cat appears! Woe is she! If law permitted it, she would sue the cat in court and order a restriction order of twenty-five feet minimum. Or maybe it would be the other way around, now wouldn’t it.

{3K(p)}

Other pieces by 3K(p): In comments to 'Angel Eyes' In 'Poor Men' Please do comment copiously. I am sure she will want to know.
8 comments
Kirubakaran wrote on Dec 16, 2005:
Heyyy 3K(p)! Wonderful article. I am laughing so hard that my stomach hurts - mostly bcoz I picturized the whole scene in my mind... I am eager to post more of your articles - just let me know, ok?
Mallik Reddy wrote on Dec 17, 2005:
Me too. I like the way the whole thing narrated and the writing style is excellent.

Expecting more articles from 3K(p)...
Kasi wrote on Dec 17, 2005:
Kiruba...Who is she...3K(p)??? ur colleague????


hmm..really good stuff...
Kirubakaran wrote on Dec 17, 2005:
kasi, she is my friend da.

she is posting here since she is new to blogging. but with her talent for writing, i feel like the agent who would have signed up madonna or elvis in their early days... :-)
3K(p) wrote on Dec 17, 2005:
Wow!! This praise stuff is quite heady!! Thanni adicha maari oru feeling! Bothei erindey irukku
3K(p) wrote on Dec 17, 2005:
Oops....what i meant to say was, "Thanks a million"
Kirubakaran wrote on Dec 18, 2005:
kkk, so you are going to write more, we hope... :-)

keep up the excellent work.
3K(p) wrote on Dec 20, 2005:
Kirubakaran .... who is he... Kasi?? ur college mate??? Dosai Kasi?
hmmmm.....thank him ...