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Pet Diaries

[From an email forward. Credit:Ruchi]

The Dog’s Diary: 7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite! 8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite! 2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite! 3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite! 4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite! 6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite! 7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite! 8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite! 9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite! 11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people’s bed! My favorite!

The Cat’s Diary: Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed, (or car…). Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.

The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant; he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

4 comments
Hari Sundararajan wrote on Jul 03, 2006:
Hilarious! Where did you find it? Or is it your own?
Hari Sundararajan wrote on Jul 03, 2006:
Oh I didn't read the email forward part. :)
Ruchi wrote on Jul 03, 2006:
Now that I was reading it again, it seemed to me that the Cat is highly pessimistic and optimistic at the same time.
brig wrote on Sep 05, 2006:
Hey, Karubakaran-- (I hope that's right!!)

That was really funny. I just KNOW that that is the way cats really think...Anyway it was funny.

I tried to get into boremenot, but it just showed the first page, explained how to use it, and then I couldn't figure out how to get to the next page...help!
Oh well,
Bye,
Brig